Cathy's blog

You've heard me say this before - and I'll say it again: 

Perfectionism is NOT a quality.

I used to have a Ph.D. - summa cum laude - in self-bashing. 

I would continuously be on the lookout for every mistake, flaw or other criticism-worthy thing.

Apparently, I believed that if I'd just get the right level of self-criticism, I'd miraculously achieve the level of perfection that I was aiming for. 

Unfortunately, even though I practiced & improved on how to be harsh and hateful to myself (bonus points for rare moments of creativity), I remained just as imperfect as I'd ever been. 

My imperfection just annoyed me even more. 

With all the efforts and hard work I had put into being unkind to myself, I'd expected something better.

So I learned that you cannot hate yourself into perfection.

But then, how do you deal with imperfection? (yours & others')

The 2 most popular ways we've developed to deal with imperfection (our own & others') are:

• perfectionism: the illusion that it's possible to create a perfect environment for ourselves 

• people-pleasing: the illusion that it's possible to make someone else happy all of the time (so they'll forget how imperfect you are)

If you've tried either one of these strategies for any amount of time, you'll know that they don't work.

So what to do instead? 

* Accept that the world (and that includes you) is not and never will be perfect.

Fighting for perfection is an impossible task. You'll feel like Don Quixote fighting the windmills: tired, frustrated & in need of comfort food all the time.

And I know, it's soooo hard to stop wishing for perfection. But believe me, once you start to let go, even just a little bit, you'll feel so much better. 

Repeat after me: perfection is an illusion. It doesn't exist. There are such better rainbows to chase!

Choose the next best solution: ideal is overrated.

Waiting for perfection tends to get you into procrastination. Taking smart yet imperfect action will get you results and feedback. So you can get closer to a great result, step by step by step.

Again, I know! I can feel you cringe. I still cringe regularly at the thought of doing something *half*. But every time I go for progress not perfection, 80%, the next best thing - it feels so good. To get started, to take action, to see results. Just give it a try. 

Focus on lessons learned:

Rather than telling yourself over and over again how stupid you are, look at what you can learn from it. How you can avoid it in the future.

And how this flaw, this mistake, this imperfection could actually make you a better, smarter, nicer, more interesting person.

Maturity is not perfection. Maturity is knowing your flaws, accepting them, and learning how to use them to your advantage.

Embrace your weird, flawed, unique you - that's where your power is.

PS: I'm doing way better now - I call myself a recovering perfectionist.