Cathy's blog

When I went to college, I didn't know anyone there. So on the first day, I started to talk to someone, and someone else joined the conversation, and by the end of the week, I had a new improvised group of friends.

I liked all of them, except for one girl, Veronique.

She seemed very self-absorbed, a bit condescending, and overall pretentious. 

Yet by the end of the month, the improvised group had dissolved, and Veronique and I became lifelong friends.

And a couple of years into our friendship, I discovered that she'd disliked me just as much at the start.

Now I'm not saying: find people you hate at first sight -because they'll become your best friends.

But what I am saying is that relationships can form in the strangest ways - and it's not always the people we seem to connect with instantly, who are our *best fit*.

There are a lot of relationships in our lives that we can choose: friends, a partner, workout buddy.

But there are also relationships where we don't get to choose: family, co-workers, neighbors.

So how can we improve the overall quality of our relationships - even those we didn't choose & like?

1. Don't be too quick to judge. I thought Véronique felt she was better than other people. But she was merely insecure. We all have our own - sometimes clumsy - ways to deal with fear and insecurity. Turns out, I did exactly the same she did - so who was I to judge anyway?

2. Make an effort to get to know people. We tend to put more time and effort in our *easy* relationships, and no effort in the *difficult* ones. Ignoring someone you don't like, will only increase the distance that's already there. If you have to work with, live next to or celebrate Christmas once a year with someone, might as well make the best out of it. 

3. Take ownership for the quality of every relationship you have. You are 50% of every relationship - so it's unfair to outsource your part to someone else, and have them take the full responsibility for it. What can you do to make things better? Don't wait for someone else to make the first move.

4. If you feel the need to complain about someone you don't like (I get that!), download this free guide, so complaining becomes even more fun!