Cathy's blog

“She thinks you don’t have what it takes for this role” he said.

My manager was squirming uncomfortably in his chair, while staring at a point somewhere next to my head. It was obvious that I wasn’t the only one who’d rather be somewhere else 😉

He was just the messenger of bad news. It’s not like I hadn’t picked up on it yet.
But still, hearing it out loud, in actual words, stung.

I wasn’t even enjoying the role anymore — and besides, the feeling was mutual. I didn’t think she had what it took to lead the department either 😊 But there you go...

It took me another year before I walked out the door, my few personal belongings packed in a sad cardboard box – feeling relief and dread at the same time.

But on some level she was right. I definitely didn’t have what it took to work with her...

Looking back, I realize just how often I let my career success depend on the person I was working for.

If I liked them, if we clicked — no problem!
But if I didn’t like them — that was the beginning of the end right there.

And it shouldn’t have been.

If only I had known then, what I know now... I might still have walked out of that door, but on my own terms.

So here are my 3 tips to improve your (business) relationships — so that you don’t have to depend on that teeny tiny group of people extraordinaire that you can’t wait to spend time with, to be successful.

So that you can also survive the occasional pain-in-the-but client/neighbor/family member, without breaking a sweat!

1. Don’t vilify people.
   
   She may not be your ideal client. And possibly he would benefit from a bit more flexibility in his approach. But don’t label them in absolutes, like: “bad”, “stupid”, “lazy” or “should be imprisoned for life 😉. Because that’s the moment collaboration becomes impossible. Try to see anyone as a 3D, real life person, with good and bad qualities — no matter how far you need to dig to find the good ones.
    
2. Safety first.
   
   If you know you have to interact with your “usual suspects”, prepare yourself emotionally. Be zen. Don’t let them crawl under your skin. Wooo – saaah ☺
    
3. Empathy second
   
   Just like I wasn’t my last department head’s favorite person in the world, you may also not make the top 3 of every person you meet. You may inadvertently press a red button here or there, and generate some less positive impressions as you do so.

If you want/need to develop a healthy relationship with anyone, it helps to show empathy — especially when it’s hard.

Think for a moment: what could you possibly be doing that’s making their life more difficult right now? And what else could you do to make things better, if only just 1%?

That tiny mindset-swing could really pay off. Give it a try, see what happens.

PS: When you need to work with someone who’s not your favorite person in the world; Connect with yourself first, then with the other.

PPS: Relationships don’t have to be difficult — scroll up to see how!