Cathy's blog

We can make our own lives so difficult — without even realizing it.

What’s the big deal with emotions? Why are we so afraid of them?

Most of us try to avoid *uncomfortable* feelings at all costs. Sometimes we’re even suspicious of the *happy* ones.

“I’m not going to be too enthusiastic about this, ‘cause I don’t want to jinx it.”

Emotions are just emotions.

They’re like the alarm lights in our car — warning us that something might be wrong.

And that’s where it gets tricky. Because even though it’s important to pay attention to what your emotions are telling you, it’s best not always to take them at face value.

There’s a difference between *clean feelings* and *dirty emotions*.

A feeling, no matter how intense, when you leave it be — or buddha-like observe it — lasts about 90 seconds... and then it’s gone.

So why do we often suffer so much from our emotions?
Because we bring the past into play.

We tend to mess that clean feeling up by our past experiences and messy internal dialogue:

“You see, it’s always/never...”
“I KNEW it!”
“Why can’t he just...?”
“Why me?”

That’s how we make a dirty emotion out of it.

Our brain is trying to protect us by reminding us how that same thing has made us miserable before. And that we should defend ourselves — now!

Unfortunately, our brain is a bit of a dramaqueen...  and might bring up more war stories than needed. And that’s when we overreact. And get stuck in a messy flow of dirty feelings.


“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

— Viktor Frankl


The good thing is — once we start noticing the difference between an appropriate (90 second) reaction in the moment and an overreaction, we can learn to embrace our feelings again.

Because, as Brooke Castillo says: “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.”

You got this! 🤗