Cathy's blog

Confidence is so important in our professional lives. We need it to do all the challenging things we have to do every day: convincing prospects, managing conflicts, stepping up our game - or, like me, taking on a video challenge. For all of these things to go well, we need at least some dose of confidence.

Our team and our clients need our confidence as well. They need us to believe in ourselves, so they can trust us to lead the way or help them solve their problem. If we don't seem too convinced of ourselves - why would they trust us.

I noticed 1 sneaky was in which we often undermine our confidence, without even realizing it, and that is the way we react to compliments.

Last week, I gave someone a heartfelt compliment. She had contributed something online, that I loved, and I told her how inspiring it was to me. 

And she went into the *compliment squirm*.

A lot of us feel awkward when someone compliments us. We don't feel at ease accepting it. We think it's too positive, taken out of context, we don't want to brag. And so we squirm, and reject the compliment. We start with all the *yes, buts* or the *this old thing, I bought that on sales years ago* routines. We do this because we want to be humble.

But what are the mechanics of a compliment?

The giver wants to give you a *present*, and would like you to acknowledge the receipt of that present.

If we go into the compliment-squirm, we reject both the present - and the other person's good intentions.

We say: *I don't believe you, you don't know me, you don't understand me, I don't accept your offer, please stay away from me*.

You've just made the other person feel uncomfortable, doubting themselves, regretting they said anything in the first place.

Yet that's not what we wanted to do. We just didn't want to seem self-centered, pretentious. Right?

So what is a good way to deal with a compliment?

It's simple: you accept it, enjoy it if you can & say thank you.

You say things like:

• Thanks for saying that

• I'm glad you liked it

• I appreciate you noticing that

Doing this helps you feel more confident - because you don't have to go into full self-criticizing mode to minimize the compliment.

The other person will perceive you as more confident as well: they'll see someone who's capable of accepting their gift, who's willing to thank them for it. 

And they, in turn, will feel appreciated and therefore more confident as well.

You got this!