Cathy's blog

Imagine this scenario.

Your partner comes home after a tough day at work and starts venting.

“My f***ing boss thinks I’m an idiot! Do you know what he said...?”

As soon as he pauses to take a breath, you jump in.
Because you’re good at this — you know how to solve it!

So you start giving advice:

“You should tell him X.
You should send him an email saying Y.
You should talk to his boss”

But — why is he looking so angry? Why is he getting even more upset? Why does he say: “You don’t understand”??

Didn’t you just give him all the answers?

What happened?

You got caught in the advice trap.

What does your partner need when he’s upset?

• He wants to feel seen, heard, and understood.
• He wants to feel valued, appreciated.

He’s struggled enough today already.

And there you come — *showing off*.
Telling him how stupid he is (see all these clever solutions I have for you) and how he’s overreacting (stop complaining already and just pick up the phone).

You’ve just made it all about you (look at me saving you).

I KNOW that’s not what you meant to do — but can you see it from his perspective?

When someone comes venting, FIRST let them.

Just listen and empathize.

When the emotions have gone, there’s still plenty of time to ask: “Would you like some help?”

You got this! 😉