Cathy's blog

I never realized just how much I used to fight with myself, until I took my coaching certification training 7 years ago.

It wasn’t the training itself or the coaching practice, but one small, seemingly insignificant idea that hit me: the concept of a *real yes* and a *real no*.

Did you know how often we choose not to choose?

For example:

• You really don’t want to spend your precious time on another Zoom call with the family – but you don’t want to have the difficult conversation to get out of it either.
• You don’t want to add another meeting to your already busy schedule – but you’re afraid of letting the client down.
• You don’t feel like making a healthy dinner – but you don’t want to be a bad partner/mother/household fairy either.

But when that Zoom call turns out to be just as tedious as you thought (can you hear me? Oh – my sound’s not working – I can’t see you...) – you feel like you’ve earned the right to be grumpy about it for the rest of the day.

And when the client meeting is less than perfect – you might end up blaming them for having asked you to do it at all.

And when your family is not enjoying every single delicious bite of the dinner you’ve been slaving over... You get the picture 😉

When you don’t make real, honest, genuine choices, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment, frustration, or anger.

I didn’t even realize how often I used to do this. But a mix of people-pleasing, imposter syndrome, and good-girlishness can go a long way! ☺

I used to be the introvert who didn’t dare to say no to an invitation to a party, only to bail out at the last moment. Or to go, and be angry at myself and the world if the party wasn’t as great as announced.

I used to always say yes to new responsibilities, overtime and business travel. Until I crashed under the weight of all the choices, I felt I had to make.

I learned to be way more intentional. Or at least to acknowledge when I’m making a choice *for someone else* - and then owning that.

The more you own your choices, the less you’ll suffer from any unwanted consequences from those choices.

Adding *real choices* to your life can be a real game-changer.

What will you say no to today? Or yes?