Cathy's blog

How do you connect with people?

If you're like most of us, sympathy is probably the best tool you know.

Your coworker complains about her boss, and you chime in: "the bast**d, how can he say that?"

Your partner comes out of a Zoom meeting, completely frustrated. And you start giving advice: "Tell him that's not acceptable! He needs to know."

Your daughter is heartbroken because her BFF has started spending all her time with someone else. You hugg her and say: "Don't worry about it honey, she's not worth it."

You probably don't realize it, but every one of these puts you in the spotlight. You've just

• made the problem worse (I also think he's a lousy boss). One bad action might not make him a lousy boss in her eyes.

• taken over the conversation (If I were you, I would tell him/resign/ignore him till Christmas)

• diminished their problem (She wasn't worth it anyway).

You mean so well - but there is a better and kinder way to support your loved ones.

Enter: empathy.

People need to feel seen, heard and understood. That's it.

That's empathy. BE with the person. Ask genuinely interested questions. Listen, listen, listen.

Let them tell their story. Don't interrupt, don't judge. 

Bring your listening skills and your understanding.

No opinions, judgments or advice needed.

Want to boost your empathy and listening skills even further?

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