Cathy's blog

I’ve always wanted to be right. (I know — you too — I see you 😊) And I hate not being heard 😕

I’ve tried all kinds of strategies over the years (none of which worked):

• Talking faster (so the other person couldn’t interrupt)
• Talking more
• Being more adamant
• ...

I even tried to follow the (smarter) advice that I read somewhere: “Don’t raise your voice, improve your argument.”

The result? Meh...

It was clear that I was focusing my attention on the wrong things. Because rational argumentation (or preventing other people from speaking up) is not how you convince people.

Don’t raise your voice. Improve your connection!

*Being right* is not enough. People need to *want* to listen to you. They need to trust you enough to believe you.

The counterintuitive trick to that is being ridiculously honest with yourself.

What am I doing or saying that might be annoying the other person? How may I be pushing their red buttons? ⚠
And also: Am I listening enough?

Because to convince someone of something, you need a conversation — not a monologue.

When the other person feels heard, seen, understood (and not judged) they can open themselves up to you and your ideas.

If you don’t create that safety and connection first, you open the door to all kinds of defensive reactions.

So don’t improve your argument, improve your connection.

You got this!