Cathy's blog

I had a weird dream last night. My dad wanted to admit my mom to a psychiatric hospital. Because — he said — “she’s a lousy communicator”.

Now, in our family, we ARE notoriously averse to communicating.

And even though I don’t think it merits admission to a psych ward, I do believe the impact of poor (or no) communication is highly underrated.

Leaving things unsaid is a relationship killer (you see — it might be a crime after all! 😉)

I don’t think I ever really knew my family, even though we lived together every day for more than 20 years. We never spoke about *real * things. Fears, ambitions, ... We watched TV, commented on the news and other people. But we were virtual strangers to each other.

And my parents were really proud that we *never fought* in our family.

It wasn’t until later that I realized just how many conflicts we had... We just never spoke about them.

Even though we were probably a bit extreme in our approach, I see that same conflict avoidance ruining many relationships around me — also in the workplace.

A good relationship is not one without conflict.
That’s just a relationship where we’re afraid of being fully ourselves.

A good relationship is one where you can talk about anything. The good, the bad & the ugly.

Yes – there will be friction, tension, and uncomfortable conversations. But also: a real connection and trust.

My husband and I have had many difficult conversations, especially at the beginning of our relationship. It’s not easy starting when you’re both carrying around big backpacks with 40+ years’ worth of old fears & judgments.

But when you talk about it, you can clear up the misunderstandings and get to know the other person, beyond fears and assumptions 😊

Masks (not Covid-preventing ones!) and façades may feel safe, but they will end up hurting you even more.

Real, honest, raw communication — difficult conversations where you’re prepared to listen to the other and leave space for unknowns — is the most powerful tool to build relationships.

For romantic relationships, friendships, and yes, even professional relationships.

You got this! 😉