Cathy's blog

Over the last few months, I’ve had to go see a new doctor.

The first encounter was 100% positive. I was over the moon! In the medical world, it’s challenging to find someone who takes their time, asks plenty of relevant questions, is gentle, caring, and solution- oriented. And she was all that! 😊

I felt seen, heard, and safe with her. She even pronounced my last name correctly (probably the 3rd person in the whole of my life to get that right first time!)

And then I had to go back for a check-up. And all my dreams shattered 😉

It was like I was meeting a whole other person; No eye contact, no questions, no smile. She barely remembered we’d met before and rushed me through the appointment. I felt invisible, uncared for.

Have you noticed this with people before? This Jekyll and Hyde dynamic?

We all have it (yes, that includes you!)

But where does it come from?

When people act *out of character* in a negative way (withdrawn, defensive, angry, in tears for seemingly no reason), it’s because they don’t feel (emotionally) safe.

In the case of my doctor, this could have been triggered by anything; From a snide remark from a coworker, a difficult phone call just before my consultation, a fight with her partner before coming to work, not enough sleep... or a double booking in her agenda.

The problem is that — instead of looking at this dynamic as normal and understandable (after all, we all have bad moments and even entire bad days 😪) — we generalize.

Imagine if my first meeting with this new doctor would have gone like the second one. I would have probably thought: “Wow, what an incompetent doctor! I wonder how she got her degree??”

Not: “Oh, is she having a bad day?”

And we do the same with ourselves too. If you tend to snap at people when you don’t feel safe, you may believe that you’re not a nice person.

If — like me — you tend to cry when you feel unsafe, you might believe that you’re weak.

You’re not!

You’re a nice person — who reacts to feeling unsafe by defending yourself.
You’re a strong person — who gets emotional when she doesn’t feel safe.

If we can differentiate between who we are at the core (Jekyll), and how we behave when we don’t feel 100% safe (Hyde), we take back control.

And there are actually many simple ways to (re)create safety for ourselves.

If you’re interested in learning how to do so, it’s one of the many topics I’ll be covering in the Impact Habits Introvert/Perfectionist Bootcamp.

Curious? It hasn’t launched just yet (coming soon!!) but you can already sign up for the waiting list here 😊