Cathy's blog

If you keep thinking the same (unhelpful) thoughts over and over again - what do you do?

Stay stuck in an ever-repeating nightmare of frustration and disappointment?

Or maybe it's time to reset your brain.

No, I haven't discovered any well-hidden reset buttons on the back of your head - sorry!

But mindset is a real thing.

Just because our brain can work on automatic pilot, doesn't mean it has to.

There is a manual mode available.

SO HOW DO YOU CHANGE YOUR MINDSET?

Be proactive about what you think, rather than reactive.

If you wait for reality to happen, your thoughts will simply respond in the same way they always have.

But if you prepare for reality, you can make a change.

In one of my previous jobs, I had a tough time getting my management on board.

So I went from frustrating presentation to even more frustration follow-up presentation, until I couldn't even remember what my original brilliant idea had been. 

I couldn't get them to hear me. It was like I was talking to deaf people.

Until I started preparing for these meetings in a different way.

Instead of focusing on all the possible arguments I could bring to the table, I started focusing on how to dialogue with them.

I asked myself why I created so much resistance. What was it they needed, that I was not bringing to the table?

And I discovered: I wasn't listening to them either. I didn't know what was missing, because I never asked them.

I was so focused on my ideas, and how to get them heard, that I was talking at them, not with them.

What I started doing, on my way to work, was think through all the ways I could improve our meetings - not in the content, but in the interaction.

• What questions could I ask?

• How could I make them feel seen, understood, not judged?

• How could I improve the quality of the conversation? 

• What should I stop doing, to stop inviting resistance?

Sometimes, when I was driving alone, I would do this in my head.

Sometimes, when I was carpooling with my husband, I would talk it through with him.

The result?

• I felt better prepared, and therefore less stressed for these meetings

• I felt more optimistic about the possible outcomes from the meetings - because I had been focusing on possibility, rather than doom scenarios

• we started having real conversations instead of sequential monologues

• I started understanding where I could improve my ideas

• They started listening

• We started working together instead of defending ourselves against each other

• And in the end, we came up with solutions that were way better than any of us could have come up with by ourselves

Does this always work? Nothing "always works."

But if you haven't tried this yet, you haven't exhausted all your possibilities yet :-)

You got this!