Cathy's blog

​​​​​​What is keeping you from having "that" conversation?

You know - the one you've been having in your head over & over again. In 100 different versions. Each worse than the other.

What's missing for you to be able to have it? Without freaking out?

You can, of course, "just" decide to have the conversation. But maybe there is a better way to do this.

Focus on what you really want 

(spoiler alert: "just getting it off your chest" or "just being right" is NOT what you really want :-)) 

Ask yourself the following questions:

1. What outcome do you want?

• A solution to the problem

• Getting your idea accepted

• A better relationship

Often, we don't know what we want from a conversation. We just go into it. And then we come out frustrated. Because - even though you weren't clear on what you wanted - it definitely wasn't what you're getting.

The better you know what you want, the more you can lead the conversation in the right direction. Ask the right questions. 

Asking yourself what outcome you want, may sometimes surprise you. 

Do you just want to share some information? Or do you want to get input? Approval? A decision?

Do you just want to get it off your chest? Or do you want the other person to apologize?

Be honest with yourself.

2. How do you want to feel, during & after the conversation? 

Is the outcome you say you want, going to make you feel better? Or worse?

During the conversation? And what about after? 

Most of us want to feel happy, balanced, and confident.

So if the outcome that you said you wanted, is only going to make you feel worse, it's time to review your goal :-).

3. How do you want the other person to feel (during & after?)

When you're about to have "that" conversation, it's soo tempting to focus on your needs alone.

After all: he's a difficult person. She doesn't wanna listen. They are simply out to get you.

Or are they?

And even if they are - in the moment - do you want them to continue to behave like that?

How can you approach the conversation in such a way, that you invite the best version of the other person, instead of the worst?

Which of your 100 scenarios will get you that?

NOW you're ready :-)

What conversation have you been putting off?

You got this!